Ain’t No Snake Charmer
I don’t like surprises (unless it involves chocolate). I particularly don’t like surprises that occur when I’m standing in my bathroom completely naked (and J isn’t home). I especially don’t like surprises that involve bending down to move something and suddenly seeing a sliver of the floor jump. And I REALLY REALLY REALLY don’t like surprises that include the realization that no, my floor is not moving…that is in fact a snake. S-N-A-K-E. In my bathroom.
By now you probably have some idea of the event that took place this morning while I was attempting to conduct my daily hygiene routine.
When I accidentally startled the snake, it jumped back about 2 inches. I subsequently jumped back about 6 feet.
It was just a little guy. A garter snake, probably. But I don’t like snakes. And because I don’t like snakes, the first thought that occurred to me was not, “It’s just a little garter snake.”
It was more along the lines of “A large poisonous snake has laid eggs in my house and they have hatched and now there is an infestation of baby biting reptiles that are going to jump out of the closet and chase us away!”
I’m not particularly rational when it involves snakes.
After the moment of panic had passed (I use that term lightly…more like was forcefully roped in by the realization that I had to do something about the snake in my bathroom), I grabbed a shoe box.
Actually, in a rather Garden of Eden-esque moment, for some reason I felt the compulsive need to clothe myself before attending to my little guest. Then I grabbed the shoe box.
I coaxed the little guy into the box, affixed the lid, and gently set it in the bath tub.
I then leaped back and hopped around the bathroom, flailing my limbs in the Phobic Freak Out Dance (complete with chanted whimpers), while simultaneously glancing around every edge of the bathroom floor to make sure it there weren’t any other little “buddies” lurking around.
I don’t like surprises. I hate snakes. And the thing that still bothers me is that I can’t figure out any rational explanation for how a garter snake got into the bathroom on the second story of my house.
And now, I will leave you with this deep thought from the enlightening Jack Handy:
“A funny thing to do is, if you’re out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you’re going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who’s going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That’s why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.â€
September 5th, 2006 at 1:02 am
Oh my God! My skin crawled as I read this! How the hell did THAT happen - a snake in your bathroom?! You handled that quite well, and good for you for clothing yourself before tending to your ‘guest’.
I owned a garter snake once…a very, very long time ago. Back when I thought I was the coolest twenty-something chick on my block. It didn’t last long, though. One day I came home from school to find that gnats had layed their eggs within his scales, and the eggs were hatching and thriving on him for nourishment. Pretty sick, huh?
Sorry to give you that visual. I enjoyed Jack Handy’s deep thought though.
September 5th, 2006 at 1:48 am
Clicked over from Erin’s blog at It’s My Life. Great blog.
The snake story is very creepy!
September 5th, 2006 at 3:49 am
Whoa. Even the sight of a spider outside gets me screaming like a girl. So a SNAKE in my BATHROOM? I would be in a mental hospital somewhere, gnawing on my arm.
September 5th, 2006 at 8:07 am
I don’t think one is ever expected to be rational when they find an unexpected snake. I don’t blame you a bit!
September 5th, 2006 at 11:10 am
OMG - I would totally freak!!!!!!
That joke was hysterical! It is totally something I would do
Ok, I still can’t get over that snake thing, lol, man… I think I would pass out!
September 5th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
Last time I found a snake in my house I called my 10 year old daughter. She picked him up with her hands and played with him for an hour before I made her let him go. Crazy gal.
September 6th, 2006 at 11:21 am
you need me. i am the snake charmer in this family. hubby HATES them. so whenever he runs across on his wood pile or in the yard he brings me the gloves and a plastic bag. i remove the snake, put it in the bag and take him/her down the block. snakes don’t bother me. EVEN when I found a nice gardner snake ON my kitchen sink last year. Yeah… how the hell a snake ended up behind my sink faucet on the counter is beyond me. Everything got sterilized needless to say. But I still took care of it.
Now bugs, those are a different story. I shudder at their very existance. Hubby takes care of the bugs, I handle the snakes.
September 6th, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Ok, EW! I would have been flipping out, and probably would have made my 7 year old come get it out. LOL Had he been at school, I have no idea. LOL You did good!!!!!! EW!
September 7th, 2006 at 9:47 pm
Ha ha! I haven’t seen a Jack Handy saying in yearrrrs.
Sorry about your snake, though. Eek! My cousin and his wife found one behind their couch in THE CAT’S MOUTH recently. Ewww!
September 7th, 2006 at 10:04 pm
You’ve been tagged
September 11th, 2006 at 7:48 am
I’ve done similar dances when confronted with scorpions. Only I wouldn’t get near them with a shoebox. I went after them with pruning shears. I discovered that can backfire, because the two halves will run off in opposite directions.
Come to think of it, I do the same dance when confronted with the cats’ hairballs, and they can’t come after me.