Lasik vision repair commercials have become political attack campaign ads in Dallas. There are approximately 3 parties in the Dallas area, all vying for everyone’s vote business.

There’s the infamous DOCTOR BOOTHE, who has performed more Lasik surgeries than any other human being in the history of the world. See, he’s performed more procedures than all the other doctors in the world combined, TIMES FOUR. In fact, if you take the world’s human population and triple it - THAT’s how many laser procedures Dr. Boothe has performed. And counting.

But that mean ol’ Dr. Boothe will undoubtedly treat you like an insignificant bug that he’s wiping off his windsheild. Why subject yourself to that when you can go to the much less suffocating office of Carter Eye Center, who understands that you’re a real person [insert four dozen testimony quotes here from individuals who don't want to be treated like a statistic]. After all, Carter Eye Center has the most advanced technology, unlike those other guys who are doing it in the back room with a scalpel and wash cloth. Advanced Technology and nice people are the only things that really matter when somebody is cutting into your eye!

But Key-Whitman Eye Center is truly the only choice. Because other doctors visit Key-Whitman to have their procedures done. They don’t visit Dr. I Created The Eye - NOOOO SIRRRREEEEE. And Key Whitman is constantly bringing in new equipment and experimenting with it on the patients staying at the forefront of the available technological advances in the industry. But the main point is, that when it comes to your eyes, you don’t want to make your own decision - no, you want to go to the same doctor that your doctor went to when he had HIS procedure done. Because obviously your gastroenterologist has the inside scoop on eye procedures.

The election will be held at the end of the month and the candidates are busy collecting campaign funds and proclaiming their causes to better the city’s vision. The winner will be proclaimed Grand Poobah of the Eyes over Texas and will be awarded the Golden Scalpel to the City.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 11th, 2006 at 2:07 pm and is filed under Current Affairs, Daily. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.