2. I have 2 hyper-shedding pets.

3. My child has eaten something off the floor that would not be considered food approximately 3 (hundred) times

4. I have cooked dinner for my husband 4 times since we’ve been married.

5. We have been married for 5 years.

6. It took at least 6 months of pregnancy before the realization sunk in that I was actually going to have to…you know, grow up and stuff. And be responsible for another human being.

7. I eat storebought cookies at least 7 times per week. I’m too lazy to make my own.

8. I took 8 weeks off from work for maternity leave and couldn’t wait to go back. Back into a world where I actually felt in control and maybe sort of knew what I was doing.

9. I’ve had about 9 really scary bad nightmares in which something terrible happens to Button and it’s my fault.

10. I think I’ve vacuumed my own house about 10 times since owning the vacuum. It drives my mom crazy and every time she’s over here babysitting Button she vacuums for me because she just can’t stand it.

11. My daughter is 11 months old. It has been the best 11 months of my life. And also the scariest.

12. I have no plans for my daughter’s 12 month birthday. We’re not having a party and as far as I know we’re not doing a lot of presents. I’m not much of an event planner. And she would just want the boxes anyway.

13. When Button turns 13 she’ll probably wonder why there are so many pictures of her running around in her diaper. We’ll tell her it’s because she’s so cute in her diaper but really it’s because - despite the plethora of clothing in her closet - some days I’m just too lazy to dress her.