I’m being anti-social tonight. My brother and his wife are hosting a BYOB Costume Poker Party and I’m not going.

J is there now. But I don’t have any beer. Or a costume. Or any interest in poker. So I’m not there. I’ve been a little down today. So I’m not feeling particularly social.

I have ideals. Perhaps it’s the result of a fairly sheltered childhood. While the world has made me jaded on many things, I remain quite the idealist in most regards. When my ideals are challenged, I will hang on until the bitter end, refusing to flit about like a leaf in the wind based on an accusation or piece of evidence that is probably far from accurate.

Some might call it loyalty.

Refusing to lay down my ideals until I have weighed the facts and all of the facts and can draw no other conclusion than the resignation that these notions were… just ideas. Fiction.

Poof.

And every time that happens, a layer of my perception of the world is peeled away. Every time that happens, it cuts a little deeper. It hurts. And when it’s done hurting, it scars.

And I suppose wisdom is the culmination of the scars. Wisdom is jaded.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 27th, 2006 at 10:39 pm and is filed under Confessions, Daily. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.