If I am ever in any kind of an actual emergency situation, I pray to God that my mother is not present.

Tonight Button was sitting with my dad in a reclining chair. He sat up and as the chair de-reclined, her foot got caught between the cushion and the base of the chair.

She started crying - as babies do when things hurt. And my mother dropped whatever she was doing in the kitchen to rush over and…comfort…the situation.

“TOMMY, WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO?”

“Her foot got caught here when I sat up”

“OH MY GOSH! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!”

Meanwhile, I am holding my crying baby, trying to calm her, which is difficult to do with all the tension going on in the background. I can’t imagine how her foot could be broken from that kind of situation, but I check anyway. She can move it just fine, it’s a little flushed. It doesn’t seem to bother her when I squeeze on it or rotate it.

“IS IT BROKEN? SHE COULD BE DAMAGED FOR LIFE! I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS COULD HAPPEN, SHE HASN’T HAD ANY TROUBLE ALL DAY AND YOU HAVE HER FOR FIVE MINUTES AND THIS HAPPENS! I KEEP HER ALL THE TIME AND SHE NEVER GETS INJURED. I JUST CAN’T UNDERSTAND IT TOMMY!”

“Well do you think I did it on purpose?”

“Mom, I think she’s going to be fine. It just hurts but it’s not broken or anything.”

“IT’S SWELLING, I CAN SEE THE SWELLING! WILL SHE LET US PUT AN ICE PACK ON IT?”

“Probably not.”

She runs to get a pack of frozen vegetables. Button refuses to have a pack of frozen vegetables on her ankle, but is content to play with them. She has stopped crying and has developed an interest in a slice of tomato she sees on the counter.

My mom positions her ankles.

“I’M COMPARING. IT’S SWOLLEN. SHOULD WE HAVE IT X-RAYED???”

“Mom, it’s not broken. She’s fine. If she was really injured, she would not be this distracted by a tomato.” Button is currently munching happily on the tomato.

So my dad feels like he’s been publicly flogged, I am looking for my red sparkly shoes so I can wish myself home, and my SIL has observed the scene and is wondering what the time limit is on having a marriage annulled due to family instability.

I sometimes wonder how I survived my teenage years.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 9th, 2006 at 10:12 pm and is filed under Because We're Related, Makes Me Grumpy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.