Sex (or Lack Thereof) and Stuff
I have ISD. I’ve had it since approximately 6 months before J and I got married.
I’ll do the math for you: for past 6 years, I’ve felt defective and he’s been in a constant state of sexual frustration.
We have a great relationship. We get along fabulously and couldn’t be better matched for each other in terms of personality, sense of humor, ideals, etc.
But my ISD has always kind of been the elephant in the room. He tries to be understanding, but he’s the one that’s “normal.” I try to be accommodating, but I can’t fake something I don’t feel.
I used to misdiagnose it as different things - paranoia about privacy, physical oversensitivity, stress. I remember the days when my drive was normal …now I would give my left arm for a day of feeling “hot and bothered.”
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my problem started when I started birth control. I’ve tried several different brands of BC in the hopes of finding different hormone levels that wouldn’t affect my sex drive… to no avail. I even tried getting off the pill for a several-month stretch, but it didn’t really seem to help. And then I got pregnant. Which also didn’t help.
And now I think it’s getting worse. I used to be able to enjoy a good love scene in a movie. Now I find myself fighting the desire to roll my eyes. And I hate myself for it.
I read today that anemia can be a cause of reduced desire. I’d never heard that before. I’m anemic. Perhaps I should start taking those iron pills more diligently.
December 14th, 2006 at 10:52 pm
That’s got to be tough..I run into some of the same things but it seemed connected to my abuse. It’s brave of you to talk about.
December 15th, 2006 at 10:29 am
Have you ever tried Yasmin? I used to feel the same way, but it has been a godsend!
December 15th, 2006 at 11:47 am
Oh, man. I could have written this post - except in my case I’m pretty certain that it’s a side effect of the Zoloft I’m taking. And that’s a hell of a choice: be depressed/anxious, or have no libido whatsoever? I wish there was a pill or something for this stuff. Thanks for writing about it - it’s always nice to hear that I’m not the only one out there with this problem.
December 15th, 2006 at 4:23 pm
Yoga. I have to recommend yoga. Not to fix the not wanting sex but just to feel good in your body. I don’t want to say too much on a public space about this.
Yoga seems to unlock a lot of things in me, things I didn’t even notice where there. Emotions and feelings that I was holding. It really is changing the way I feel about myself, my body and my life.
It’s worth a try, you have nothing to lose.
December 17th, 2006 at 2:09 am
I admire you for writing about this. I’ve felt like you do for almost 4 years now. Prior to that, my sex drive was fabulous for about 6 years, then..nothing. I think it’s due to all my medications, diabetes & getting ready for menopause. Oh, yippee.
I agree that birth control could very well be the cause of it. Afterall, it affects your hormones & your hormones are partly in control of your sex drive, right?
I didn’t even know there was such a thing called ISD, so thank you for that info. Hmmm..yoga is definitely worth looking into.
If you figure anything out about this, I hope you’ll write about it.
December 17th, 2006 at 10:58 pm
You mean you are supposed to have a sex drive? I don’t now that I ever did have one. I used to think it was Zoloft or BC but I am no longer on wither one. I also used to think it was related to my thyroid problems but I am on medication for it and have only been hypo for about 7 years. I just assumed it was the way I was supposed to be. I think I should ask to have hormonal levels checked.
Then again it could be the fact that I am always tired and I see my lump of a husband just sitting around on his days off while I bust my ass around here…i’m just sayin.