A couple of weeks ago, I had this mole removed, as well as a rather obvious one I’ve had on my nose since childhood.  I promised Jane I would have this done, like, a year ago.  But I wasn’t insured a year ago, and then I was lazy, and then we were moving, and then I was still lazy.  I have a dedication to Lazy, it seems.  So I’m just now getting around to it.

My dermatologist, who I hadn’t seen before, is also a Lyposculpturist.  Apparently.  Imagine my surprise when I received the appointment reminder and the caller ID read “Lyposculpture & Laser Center” - I was afraid I’d made an appointment with the wrong doctor.  But I kept the appointment anyway, because if I accidentally ended up in an appointment that led to the removal of my stupid stubborn tummy bulge, then … well, accidents happen.

As it turns out, I was in the right office and the moles were removed without incident.  He did not try to sell me on lyposuction, but did inform me that apparently I have mild adult acne.  I didn’t realize that 1 or 2 stress blemishes qualified as acne, but I suppose I’m at an age where I’m supposed to be past that.  Fortunately, he really likes to give me samples so I came home with cremes and washes and a prescription just in case I like the products and want to use them.

Today I went back for my followup appointment and was told that both biopsies came back benign.  My wounds are healing pretty nicely though they’re a little red and not completely even.  He gave me more samples of cremes to take the redness away and prevent scarring.

All in all, for an experience I’ve been dreading for a year, it wasn’t so bad.

• I hurt myself from yawning too big.  I think I overstretched the tendon that connects my jaws or something.  I know.  I’m now in competition with Sammy Sosa for lamest injuries.  I wonder if Workers Comp covers that kind of thing.  It was the boredom brought on by my job that forced me to yawn, after all.
• I dreamed that I had an affair.  With J.  No idea who I was actually married to in the dream.  But J’s conscience got the best of him at the last second and he backed out on me.  So I woke up guilty, bummed, grumpy, and horny.  I hate dreams.
• After 4 years, my dog has just discovered that he has a penis.  He has been licking it for 48 hours straight.  It’s driving us crazy, especially since he sleeps in our room and he’s decided that licking himself is more fun than sleeping.
• Don’t buy hair dye that costs less than $10.  Especially if you use white towels and don’t want to see it bleeding onto your towel 4 days after you’ve colored your hair.  Just saying.
• Also, don’t believe the stuff on the box of cheap hair dye that says it comes with highlights and lowlights and multi-faceted color that doesn’t damage your hair.  Bollocks.
• Tomorrow we close on the house we’re selling.
• Tomorrow we’re supposed to close on the house we’re buying.
• Yesterday we found out that the house didn’t appraise for near what we had agreed to pay for it, so now our financing is messed up.
• The appraiser totally discounted the sunroom, which would have made up the difference in the appraisal price.  He refused to count it as part of the square footage of the house (as a previous appraiser had done) because it didn’t have duct work or something.  But since nobody else in the neighborhood has a sunroom, he couldn’t find “comps” so he just didn’t give it any value at all.
• Because, you know, if nobody else has one then it must have been free to install.
• Apparently if you can’t find one just like it then it’s easier just to pretend it doesn’t exist at all than to do some more research and assign a value based on an educated guess.
• Lazy ass.
• So we’ve asked the relocation company to lower the price on the house because it doesn’t make much sense to pay more than a house is actually worth.
• But it’s a relocation company and it will probably take them a week to get back to us because when you have 150 middlemen, things don’t move too quickly.
• And we don’t know what they’re going to say.
• So we don’t know if or when we’ll be closing.
• Annoying, since we’re supposed to move out of our house in 2 days.
• Regardless, we have to disassemble and pack up our computer tonight or tomorrow, so I’ll probably be offline for a few days.
• Bummer dude.

I keep sitting down and starting to write an entry, but get a little overwhelmed so I give up. Life has been a whirlwind recently, so rather than try to document it all, I’ve been avoiding the computer. I think I’ll just start with some bullets and hopefully get everything down. And come back later to add more bullets for the things I’ve forgotten.

I like bullets. They make me feel organized even when life seems a little out of control.

• We’re in the waiting game on the house selling thing. I think everything is pretty much taken care of and now we’re just waiting for the closing date. Hopefully we’ll close on time because we have the closing of our new house (which is dependent on the closing of our current house) set up for the same day, so they will both be delayed if anything goes wrong.
• Speaking of going wrong, the people we’re trying to buy the house from are being relocated, which means that a relocation company is handling the sale from here on out. Which means 3x as much paperwork and everything is taking 3x as long. Which means that we’re really pushing it to make the aforementioned closing date because they’re TAKING FOREVER.
• The good news is that we had the inspection done Saturday and even though there are several things we’re requesting they address (or pay to have us address) there was really nothing major wrong with the house.
• Half our computer supplies are packed away so I don’t have my card reader and therefore can’t download the pictures I took in New York (or any other pictures I’ve taken recently) so that’s kind of irritating me right now.
• The trip was fun and I loved hanging out with Stereoette and I got to eat some great food and do a ton of walking around the city and it was a much needed break from the stress of house. I tried not to rub it in that our mortgage payment for our new humongo house is going to be the same as what she’s paying for her efficiency apartment in NY. Ah, Texas real estate…
• LB is really growing up. She’s now the traffic light enforcer. Wherever we go, she’s sure to point out “Uh-oh, it’s red! We have to stop now,” and “Green! The light is green! We can go now! Go green go!” through the entire car ride.
• Her repertoire of complete sentences and appropriate phrases seems (to me) to be remarkably advanced over the other kids her age. She’s still substituting “t’s” for all her “k’s” which is only a problem because her name starts with K. Well, that and it’s a little disconcerting when she starts talking about “kitties” in public.
• She’s very polite and uses “please” and “thank you” often. When we go to the public play areas in the mall and she gets mowed over by other children, she always says “Excuse me.”
• She’s still in love with her Grandmommy and Grandpa and would happily move in with them if we let her. I might let her when she hits the rebellious teenager stage.
• I think I’m going to have to give in and read Harry Potter. Even though I already know what happens in all the books. I’m not very good at commitment so long term projects rarely get finished, and reading is no exception. Maybe I’ll get the books on CD and listen to them in the car.
• I have a ridiculous amount of laundry that needs to be done. Ridiculous, I tell you.
• Moving Company is coming tomorrow morning to give estimates. Hopefully they’ll be able to see past the piles of laundry everywhere.
• Need to clean the house again top to bottom. We got out of the habit since we’ve stopped showing the house. But the appraiser is coming this week and we need to make a really good impression.
• Having so much laundry and cleaning to do makes me feel overwhelmed.
• I am totally annoyed that “maternity” is the “in” fashion right now. I was appalled when I went to Old Navy yesterday. I’m short-torsoed and store my fat around my middle - do you know how hard I have to work already to avoid looking 12 months pregnant? Every piece of clothing I saw was formless and rendered my body completely devoid of any feminine shape whatsoever. Grrr…
• I played 4 back-to-back softball games Friday night. Apparently we’re so behind in the season (due to rain) that they decided to have the entire playoff tournament in a single night.
• Consequently, every muscle in my body hurts. I could hardly get out of bed this morning. I’m getting too old for this.
• We came in second, in case you were wondering.
• The last game we played was a game we lost (hence the 2nd place), and we actually didn’t mind losing because we were so worn out that we didn’t want to play another game, which we would have to had we won.
• Actually, as beat as we were, we probably wouldn’t have minded playing another game too much if we felt like the teams were evenly matched. The other team had 4x as many players to rotate through and got to rest for an hour before the final game, so they were full of energy. And all of their guys were 6′4″ and built like athletes. We didn’t have the same advantage, so every minute was a fight just to stay in the game. That said, we did pretty well and might have won if they hadn’t hit that grand slam.
• I managed to close my knee in the car door today and it’s starting to bruise. It hurts.
• Thanks to the stress of buying/selling/moving/etc, I have 3 ulcers in my mouth. Yippee. Now I just need my face to break out so my whole head can be swollen and aching.
• My superstitious side is thinking I probably shouldn’t have said that.
• It’s after 11:30pm.
• My brain is starting to shut down.
• Good night.

One would think that by the ripe age of 27, one would have figured out and come to terms with one’s inherent allergies.

I discovered this morning that apparently I’m allergic to certain types of adhesives.  Particularly the type of adhesive used on the stickers with which LB had just covered much of my body.

Yippee.

I joined a gym recently because it’s been warming up around here and I can’t get up the motivation to go walking outside if I know I’m going to be miserable in the heat and humidity.

As part of the membership, gyms always give you one free personal training session. I’ve never had a “real” personal training session before. When I lived in Seattle I joined 24 hour fitness and my “free hour” of personal training took 20 minutes. The guy took a bunch of measurements, pinched my stomach with that big plastic tweezer thingie, told me I needed to lose 20 pounds, and informed me that unless I signed up for a Personal Training Package, there wasn’t anything else he could do for me.

At that point, I weighed less than I do now. I could have done well to lose up to 10 pounds, but 20 pounds would have put me in the unhealthy range of body fat percentage. I wasn’t aiming to pull a Mary Kate Olsen.

Today was a totally different story. My personal trainer rocked. And tomorrow my abs are going to be killing me. And I didn’t even have to do any floor crunches.

I hate crunches.

Hate them.

As evidenced by my current state, I would rather have flabby abs than do crunches.

But I learned today that I could strengthen my abs AND avoid crunches!

So now I totally want a personal trainer, but all I could think about while he was going over the “package” options with me was “I would have to sell like 20 blog templates to pay for that.”

So it’s not in my future for the time being. But a girl can dream.

PS…I’m sorry I’ve been slack on responding to your comments. I usually try to respond personally to each and every comment because I really appreciate the fact that you guys take your time to read and interact with me through this website. But lately I’ve been sort of sucking at the internet in general. Trying to get my butt back in gear (figuratively…though my literal butt is getting some work too).