I know.  You didn’t know I was gone.  Because I didn’t tell you.  Because I’m busy and negligent like that.

We took a weekend trip to Seattle to see the inlaws and grandparents.  The trip was great fun.  The plane rides were not.  More on that later.

But the best part is that we are childless for the week!  That sounds terrible.  Like we couldn’t wait to get rid of her.  But I will confess to jumping up and down like a kid in a candy store when I finally got out of bed this morning (at 10:30!!!) and realized that my day was entirely at my disposal - MUWHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Little Button is staying with her grandparents for the week and though we will miss her terribly, I think I really did need a break.  She’s been waking up entirely too early and been very MAMA-MAMA-MAMA-MAMA and sort of whiny lately and I HATE The Whiny.  It is beyond my parenting faculties to put up with The Whiny.  There is nothing about parenting that makes me want to walk off the nearest cliff like The Whiny.

I could tell that my temper was shortening by the end of our trip when we couldn’t have a dinner out without her throwing food everywhere and squealing at the top of her lungs, and then throwing a fit when she had to sit in the highchair and then sliding down and getting stuck in the highchair and then having a nervous breakdown because she was stuck in the highchair and we couldn’t get her out fast enough.  There’s only so much I can take and my fuse was cut pretty short.

Tonight we’re going to go this place called a “Theater” and we’re going to watch this thing called a “movie.”  It’s where you sit in these big chairs and watch a huge television that plays something other than Bob the Builder or Veggie Tales.  Did you know they made those?  And they bring you food and drinks (God bless Studio Movie Grill) whenever you want.  And there are no children around.  And you can get in for free with COUPONS which we happen to have a ton of and which expire this month so this will officially be Movie Marathon Week.

Honestly, I don’t know what we did all the time before we had Little Button.  I worked a lot more, and we saw a lot more movies.  But that still doesn’t seem like it would fill all the time.

Anyway, now I’m working on catching up with emails and comments and templates and blog reading.

BECAUSE I CAN…

The nursery worker at church keeps trying to get us to volunteer in the nursery. But I don’t want to. Because, why?

I’m afraid of children.

Is that completely asinine and absurd, taking into consideration that I have a child of my own?

Yes.

Is it true nonetheless?

Yes.

My first babysitting job was a 12 hour gig. I was taking care of two hellions, the sons of my middle school drama teacher. So not only was it torture from start to finish, I was under political pressure to succeed. I don’t think I did, since she never asked me to babysit again. And that was fine by me.

I think I babysat approximately 3 times. Ever. Why? Because I have a really irrational fear of other people’s kids. I just don’t know what to do with them. I thought that would probably change once I had one of my own, but no.

Some friends of ours have taken care of Button for short periods of time and we have pledged to return the favor and when they ask, we will do it willingly and gladly. But there will always be a part of me that wigs out just a little at the thought, and you can be sure that J will be there.

I have come to the conclusion that I just don’t know how to be a kid. There are people who interact with children fabulously, and many of these people have a “child-like” side to their personality. I just don’t have that. I sort of remember being a kid, but I can’t seem to remember HOW to be a kid.

I have guilt sometimes about my mommying abilities because I get terribly bored playing baby games. Reading baby books (especially more than once) can make me want to bash my head into the nearest wall. Colors, shapes, numbers…it’s like ADD takes over my brain and I can’t concentrate on something so basic. My mom can sit and play with Little Button for hours. HOURS. I just can’t. I get bored and it’s like torture to my mind.

That’s probably why Button seems to prefer spending time with Grandmommy. I guess I’m just glad that there’s somebody available to her that can jump into her world and stay there for more than 20 minutes at a time.

Although I will say that my attention span of kid-activities is growing now that she’s able to do some more interactive things. But still, there are only so many times I can willingly break out the “BUBBLES!” in a single day.

And is it me, or are Baby Einstein books the most boring, stupid, pretentious things in the world? I mean, what makes them think that my 1-year-old needs to learn about impressionist artwork? And talk about dull - like, “I’d rather sit around and count grains of rice,” dull.

We need to get more good old-fashioned storybooks.  You remember, the ones with characters and a plot?  Any suggestions?

Having my mom ready and willing to care for Button on the 2 days every week that I work is great.

Unfortunately, it also comes with some downsides … such as when I have to remind her which of us is the parent.

The other day I took Button to work, and while I had her in the restroom with me, I gave her my keys to play with as a distraction.

When I went outside later, my trunk was open.

Which begs the question…if they can make key remotes that work through several brick walls…why can’t they make a remote control for my television that works through the cabinet of the entertainment center?