Lasik vision repair commercials have become political attack campaign ads in Dallas. There are approximately 3 parties in the Dallas area, all vying for everyone’s vote business.

There’s the infamous DOCTOR BOOTHE, who has performed more Lasik surgeries than any other human being in the history of the world. See, he’s performed more procedures than all the other doctors in the world combined, TIMES FOUR. In fact, if you take the world’s human population and triple it - THAT’s how many laser procedures Dr. Boothe has performed. And counting.

But that mean ol’ Dr. Boothe will undoubtedly treat you like an insignificant bug that he’s wiping off his windsheild. Why subject yourself to that when you can go to the much less suffocating office of Carter Eye Center, who understands that you’re a real person [insert four dozen testimony quotes here from individuals who don’t want to be treated like a statistic]. After all, Carter Eye Center has the most advanced technology, unlike those other guys who are doing it in the back room with a scalpel and wash cloth. Advanced Technology and nice people are the only things that really matter when somebody is cutting into your eye!

But Key-Whitman Eye Center is truly the only choice. Because other doctors visit Key-Whitman to have their procedures done. They don’t visit Dr. I Created The Eye - NOOOO SIRRRREEEEE. And Key Whitman is constantly bringing in new equipment and experimenting with it on the patients staying at the forefront of the available technological advances in the industry. But the main point is, that when it comes to your eyes, you don’t want to make your own decision - no, you want to go to the same doctor that your doctor went to when he had HIS procedure done. Because obviously your gastroenterologist has the inside scoop on eye procedures.

The election will be held at the end of the month and the candidates are busy collecting campaign funds and proclaiming their causes to better the city’s vision. The winner will be proclaimed Grand Poobah of the Eyes over Texas and will be awarded the Golden Scalpel to the City.

So Rob Schneider has posted an ad in a Hollywood newspaper, informing the community at large of what a bastard Mel Gibson is, and personally vowing that he will never stoop to working with Mel Gibson in his life.

Whatever gave Rob Schneider the idea that he would ever have the opportunity to turn down work with Mel Gibson is completely beyond me.

So, in case you’re hiding under a rock somewhere and haven’t heard about what’s going on in the middle east…let me summarize:

Israel: Give us back our soldiers.
Hezbollah: Your mama’s a hampster and yo’ daddy smells of elderberry. (more…)

Those of you who read regularly may have noticed that this blog refrains from the primary hobby of would-be writers across the world: “Bush Bashing.”  This is not a political blog, so politics in general are rarely mentioned.

While I have occasionally expressed my concerns about the decisions made by our current Commander in Chief and his Administration, I have not partaken in the wildfire of exclamations, accusations and scathing, boisterous commentary that is spread across the blogosphere every time he picks his nose.

HOWEVER… (more…)

…in organized form, anyway.

CNN.com - KKK converges on Antietam battlefield - Jun 10, 2006

I don’t even know what to say about this.  After all these years, I guess some things never change.

“As the Klan, we are the ghosts of our Confederate brothers and sisters who died here.”

I had it wrong all this time.  Here I was thinking that they were wearing white bed sheets and hoods to mask their identity and make some sort of symbolic statement about white supremacy.

Apparently they’re just ghost costumes for a game of dress-up.

It appears that their target has changed though…it’s not just blacks anymore.  Now they’re after all the immigrants.  I wonder how they figure their “confederate brothers and sisters” got to this country?  Somehow, I doubt that Native Americans make up the majority of KKK members.

(blink, blink)