Should you find yourself on a diet program which requires “fasting” days on which you cannot eat food… it is not a good idea to go grocery shopping on that day.

It is especially not a good idea to go to Whole Foods where they are handing out free samples of meat, pasta, smoothies, fruit, cheese and other assorted meal items during one of their Tastes of the World food tours.

By the time we left, it was all I could do to keep from eating my arm.

So today is our weekly “Cleanse” day. It’s basically a liquid fast. No food, but you drink this fortified juice stuff 4 times during the day and eat “snack” tablets.

The tablets are ok (if you like chocolate Tums), but the juice tastes like a berry-flavored foot. With a touch of gangrene.

I think you’re supposed to mix it with water but it’s so bad we’ve taken to just chugging it straight, before our mouths register the taste - then follow quickly with gulps of vodka some other energy juice we’re allowed to drink.

The hardest part is that Little Button hasn’t been eating too well recently so I spend all day offering her whole milk and yogurt and turkey and cheese and bread with honey and ground beef and pasta, only to have her turn her nose up at it, and I’m like CHILD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, CAN YOU NOT SEE THE HEAVENLY DELICACIES POURED OUT BEFORE YOU???

Because seriously, the dog is eating better than me today.