Ok, I upgraded Wordpress so hopefully it will start working for me again. I’m doubtful though, since it’s still not letting me add categories.
This has been a difficult week. My mom has been ill with some sort of excruciatingly painful nervous system disorder that the doctors were unable to diagnose for weeks. They’re medicating her, and it’s working to take the pain away, but the medication makes her crazy.
She’s usually a really emotional person anyway, but when she’s on this medication it’s like being around a bipolar schizophrenic with Alzheimer’s. I couldn’t let her watch LB for her normal 2 days this week because she’s seriously not herself and I was too worried about her judgment. When I told her I would be keeping Button home this week, I might as well have stabbed her best friend, run over her dog, and published a book on “why my mother is a failure.”
The other day I went over to my parents’ house to wrap all their Christmas presents (I was trying to be helpful in any way they would let me, since my mom has been ill) and I totally overdid it. I was useless and dead by the time I got home to J.
Though I’m now in second trimester, I’m not getting my energy back. This is different from the first time around, and much more inconvenient with a toddler. A toddler with rampant energy who can sing at the top of her lungs and spin in circles and dance for 4 hours straight while I sit on the couch staring at her in disbelief.
I think I finally got all my Christmas shopping done. This season has absolutely kicked my butt. Last year I ordered everything online and was done several weeks before Christmas. I had a giant spreadsheet detailing gifts purchased and to-be-purchased for each member of my family and J’s family, as well as automated price totaling to ensure that money between each person was balanced and that no one was left out. Last year, I was the ultimate anal-retentive Christmas Elf.
This year, I’m more like the Christmas Sloth. I only sort of remember what I’ve gotten each person, so I hope it’s somewhat balanced. Since I waited so late, I couldn’t order anything online so I’ve had to leave the comfort of my home to actually SHOP. Which is more of a challenge with aforementioned 2-year-old. Ok, “challenge” would be putting it mildly.
The other day I was especially low on energy, but we had to go shopping so I packed up LB in the car and we made several stops. At each and every store, she made every effort to run away from me, refused to use her “inside voice” and had a total temper tantrum when she had to give up her lollipop to enter one particular store.
Nearing the end of my rope, I decided to cut the trip short - but we HAD to make one more stop to get a very necessary gift for J. While inside the store, I had her by the hand so she wouldn’t go running off - and she somehow managed to end up sprawled on the floor while I was trying to make a difficult decision about the merchandise. I pulled her up by the arm, but she slipped out of my grasp and banged her eyebrow on the tile.
Total. System. Meltdown. You would have thought she cracked her head wide open.
With everybody staring, we left the store for the sake of the other shoppers. We walked around outside. She cried. People stared. We sat on a bench. She cried. People stared. We stopped and ate lunch. She recovered. We re-entered the store in the hopes that I could FINALLY get the 10 minutes I needed to make the purchase and go home.
The second we entered, she immediately broke away from my grasp and went running through the store, tripped on her own feet, crashed and burned, and went careening into a display case.
OH. MY. GAWD.
As the hysterical crying ensued, and once again everybody in the store stopped to stare at the bad mom with the crazy child, I snapped myself out of the open-mouthed stare and went to pick her up.
At this point, I became THAT MOM who refuses to take her screaming kid out of the store. I was getting that gift, dammit, because I COULD NOT ENDURE coming back here again.
Through the remainder of the time at the store, Button intermittently cried, sang at the top of her lungs, tried to get away from my death grip, squirmed, talked excessively (loudly) so I could not hear the salesperson, batted at my hair, wiped snot all over the place (did I mention she has a cold?) and threw tissues on the floor.
In the end, I walked away from salespeople who couldn’t wait to see me go, with a gift that I paid entirely too much for because I couldn’t think clearly enough to make a sound decision. I put Button in the car, sat in the driver’s seat, and cried.
I’m so tired every day. I really need to go grocery shopping. I really need to finish painting my mom’s Christmas present. I really need to buy something for Button from Santa. I really need to do laundry and finish cleaning in preparation for the inlaws who are coming on Monday.
I really need to visit a friend in the hospital who just had an emergency hysterectomy. And I need to make some meals for her family because for crying out loud, they have 5 toddlers (no, that’s not a typo) and her husband is having to be Mommy and Daddy and Nurse and Santa.
So there are obviously people in this world who have it much harder than I do. But somehow that doesn’t stop me from wanting to curl up in bed and wish it would all just go away. In the meantime, I guess I’ll go on complaining.
Thanks for being my audience.
