This one is from Snarky Squab:

5 Things Found in Your Bag:

1. Diapers & Wipes
2. Snacks
3. Empty snack wrappers
4. A crumpled and dirty wipe that was used to mop up… something?
5. A ring of keys that I can’t identify

5 Favorite Things in Your Room:

1. Bed, oh how I love thee at the end of the day…
2. A wall of windows
3. A dresser that serves very well as an extra changing table so I don’t have to traipse upstairs all the time
4. Tons of big pillows that my kid loves to stack on top of herself and call for me to come find her… hours of entertainment, that game.
5. My cat.  If he’s laying on the bed, then he’s NOT pooping on the floor next to the litter box.

5 Things You Have Always Wanted to Do:

1. Be really great at something.  Anything.  I’m good at a ton of stuff, but I’ve never been the best at anything.
2. See the world - specifically, Ireland, Greece, Israel, New Zealand…
3. Be my own boss and still have a steady paycheck.
4. Be independently wealthy at a young enough age to really enjoy it.
5. Be spontaneously witty

5 Things You Are Currently Into:

1. Planning all the ways I’m GOING to exercise so I can lose the baby weight
2. Sitting around on my butt.
3. Web design … just … not on this site.
4. Blowing bubbles… ok, this is something that my 2-year-old is currently obsessed with, which necessitates me being “into” it as well.  In action, at least.
5. Photography.  I’m trying to get better.

You’ve probably seen this before, but since I haven’t, I’m posting it.

So deal.

If you want to find out what you really need in life, let Google tell you. Type in your first name, followed by “needs” to a Google search. It works best if you put the phrase in quotations.

According to Lord Google:

• Amy needs to either wake up or start getting some extra will-power.
• Amy needs to find a home where she can spend her golden years and be a cherished member of the family.
• Amy needs some helping drinking apparently.
• Amy needs to get out the monkeysicle and do some tests on him and what not.
• Amy needs your help!
• Amy Needs a Crash Pad.
• Amy Needs a Break.
• Amy needs to go to Houston

I’ve been tagged by my Guest Blogger, Erin, whom I have been woefully remiss in introducing. Her site is It’s MY Life, As Uninteresting As It May Be - and it’s anything but uninteresting. See that pretty purple in the box on the right? Go click over there and give her some love. She’s going through a tough time right now with her husband, finances, need of income, changes, and stupid interviewers who don’t understand the term Stay At Home Mom.

Anyway, on with the fun…

1. Football - chaos
2. Airplane - stale
3. Cat - lazy
4. Hug - Button
5. Rain - Ant Bait (umm…that really does make sense. Terminex came today and they put out some Ant Bait and I’m not supposed to water the yard for 2 days…and I’m hoping it doesn’t rain in the meantime)

Anyway, Erin, I highly suggest you give out Matthew as your reference.

For those of you who have been reading this blog regularly, you know that I am not an avid FOAD Thursday poster. Actually, until today I have been a FOAD virgin (saving for someone special, y’know?). But today I reached my wit’s end and decided to dedicate a very thoughtful FOAD posting to EVERY GOVERNMENT/AUTHORATIVE AGENCY IN THE ENTIRE CITY IN WHICH I LIVE.

Save yourselves from the hellhole. Don’t move here. Now before we get to today, let’s take a walk down memory lane…

FOAD to the DMV whose incompetent employees wasted FIVE MONTHS of my life trying to get a stupid Texas driver license. You can view the history here, here, and here.

FOAD to the Police Officer who told me I was a liar and issued me a ticket for cutting a corner even though:

• I had no motive to cut that corner (I don’t turn there to get to work)
• I wasn’t intending to cut the corner (I was in the parking lot looking for a Starbucks)
• I didn’t cut the corner (I was still in the parking lot when he gave me the ticket)
• Had I wanted to LIE to get out of the ticket, I would have taken the opportunity he GAVE ME when he said, “I’m pulling you over for cutting a corner - did you not know that was illegal?”
• He clearly wasn’t watching me (His defense for calling me a liar was “You headed straight over here when you pulled into the parking lot,” to which I responded, “NO, if you were watching me you saw me go all the way to the end of the aisle,” to which he said, “Yes, and then you turned and came this way.” What the hell was I supposed to do, keep driving until I plowed through the building??? In addition, the car that was behind me in the intersection got pulled over in FRONT of me in the parking lot…how would that happen if I was making a bee-line to the other side?)

Thanks for wasting my time and money, Bastard.

FOAD to the Municipal Court that says one thing and does another, thinks it’s SO SPECIAL that it doesn’t have to operate by the same standards as EVERY OTHER Municipal Court in the world, and insists on hiring incompetent employees just because they need people who speak Spanish. An extra FOAD to said incompetent employee who told me something different (and wrong) every time I talked to her. Again, thank you for wasting my valuable time being assholes.

And FOAD to the DA who, just to twist the knife a little deeper, has decided to reopen and prosecute me for my deferred speeding ticket from forever ago that should have been dropped from my record completely because I paid for the deferral. Evidently, he thinks it’s legitimate due to the fact that I was issued a citation during my deferrment (see FOAD Police Officer above) that I shouldn’t have been issued, that I have not pleaded guilty to, and that has not been resolved. The entire point of holding off on my court date until NOW was to avoid this kind of thing.

I was so fed up today (see Other Post) that I came down with a headache the size of Montana and a case of IBS. And I don’t have IBS. Stupid shits.