Tomorrow is my birthday. In honor of such, I bought myself a much-needed birthday present: 7 new DVDs of BTB episodes.

No, I don’t have a BTB fettish…but Button does. And we only have two. And we’ve been watching the same two over and over and over and I’ve got them both memorized and as much as I prefer BTB to some of the other wackos that people let their kids watch, if I have to see those same episodes any more my head is going to explode.

It’s tradition in my family to take the birthday girl/boy out for dinner at a restaurant of his/her choosing. My parents asked me where I wanted to go and I said something like, “I really want crab. I’d say Red Lobster, but I know Iris doesn’t like seafood and I don’t think they have much there besides seafood.”

Their immediate response was, “That’s irrelevant, it’s your birthday so if you want to pick Red Lobster, then pick Red Lobster.” I said, “Ok. I want to go to Red Lobster.”

Ever since that conversation, they’ve been trying to talk me out of going to Red Lobster. They’ve offered lots of other more expensive places, and my answer has always been the same: That’s fine if you guys really want to go there. But if it’s up to me, I’d rather go to Red Lobster.

They called me the other day and said, “You HAVE to give us SOME ideas for what you want for your birthday!” I can’t think of much this year in the way of gift ideas, but eventually I did come up with one idea.

The next day my mom tried to talk me out of it. “Are you sure you want that? What if they wrap you up too tight?”

What if they…huh???

Next time I should just send out invitations:

Please come to my Birthday Dinner, at __________________.

Gift ideas: _____________, ________________, and __________________.

Please fill in appropriate fields with what you were hoping I would say, because I probably wouldn’t get it right anyway.

Y’all, I signed up to be a BeautiControl consultant. Say what???

Was I suffering from a bout of insanity? Probably. It was kind of an investment. I didn’t do it as a moneymaking opportunity (as someone who works in the corporate office of a network marketing company, I get enough of that on a daily basis). I don’t want to be that friend/relative.

I signed up just so I could get the discount. And since I’m not planning to make money with it, I don’t have a problem passing my discount on to anyone around me so my friends and family are actually excited that I’ve signed up. It probably helps that they don’t have to be afraid that I’m going to ask them to host parties every week.

***

I had an appointment this morning for a slimming body wrap. I’ve always wanted one of those and have never been able to afford one - but a gift certificate to a local spa actually made the body wrap an option.

So I showed up this morning for my appointment and was told the body wrap lady wasn’t in today and since my appointment was at the same time they opened for the day, they weren’t able to call me beforehand to let me know.

I don’t know why, but that really irritated me. I don’t have any idea what thought they should have done about it. It was just frustrating to show up and then have to turn around and go back home.

***

After the cops left last night (/early this morning) INWOCA finally managed to control his malfunctioning alarm. We were all too pleased to witness this final golden silence, but after listening to repetitions of 6 different alarm tones approximately 40 times over almost an hour, we were pretty much awake.

Fortunately, I was able to go back to sleep relatively soon, only to be awoken again by a screaming Little Button at 3am at which point I made my recent habit of migrating into her room for the remainder of the night. I noticed at that point that J had still not returned to bed after being wakened by Idiot Neighbor. An improvement, really, since until last night she had been waking up at 2am. But still.

I don’t handle sleep deprivation too well. One thing J has learned about me over the last 5+ years is UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS IT APPROPRIATE TO DISTURB MY SLEEP. A sleepless night leaves me grumpy, angry, depressed, grumpy, mean and grumpy for the entire next day. Fortunately for everyone around me, Little Button decided to lounge in bed with me from 7-9am this morning and we were both able to get some sleep. By “both” I mean me and Little Button - J was never able to catch up on his sleep due to an extremely busy workload today. I don’t know how he does that.

***

Little Button’s vocabulary is increasing every day. I asked her to say Grandmommy the other day and she said it. Once. Then it became “Gummy.” And then it became “Dummy.” We stopped there.

Current words now include (variations of) Mama, Daddo (her word for J), Jon, Iris, Papa, Grandpa, cheetah, puppy, kitty, diaper, butt, bee-bo (belly button), all done, baby, ball, bee, bupp (passifier - don’t ask), butterfly (sort of), hot, moo, duck, up, hi, bye-bye, please, eye, kiss, touch, button, banana, brush, blue, two and uh-oh.

There are probably more, but they’re not coming to mind right now. It’s harder than it looks to actually sit down and list out all the words your child says on a daily basis.

I’ve read about it happening to other families. I’ve heard the horror stories, the agony.

My heart went out to those who suffered and yet… there was always that part of me that thought it would never happen to me. Not to my family. This kind of tragedy was just too removed to ever affect me personally. I suppose that feeling of invincibility is natural.

It comes on suddenly and without warning, tearing into the unity and routine of peaceful family life. In an instant, the relationship within the core family unit is disrupted as the one you care so much about transforms into someone you hardly know. Weeks, months go by without relief, without respite.

The constant pain to your loved one is torturous to you both and seems especially to rear its ugly head at night. In the most heart wrenching of ironies, your loved one stubbornly refuses the very medicinal treatments that could alleviate the pain (even if only for a short time) as though you were trying to offer pure arsenic. As sleep evades you night after night, the frustration rips at the very fibers of your being and you find yourself mourning for the way things were.

The life you previously knew and had under control has been ripped from beneath your feet like a slippery rug. What once was is no more and you are now sprawled on the floor, desperately trying to grasp to any small fibers that may remain of the life you once took for granted. But it is no use. What is done is done and there is no hope but to wait out the storm that seems to ravage your dwelling for eternity.

The monster has a name, which will evermore send shivers down my spine: Molars.

Little Button has two that have broken through, and several more on the way. My predictable, cooperative child has completely forsaken her amiability when it comes to sleeping. She is unable to sleep unless I am in the room. And I don’t mean go to sleep (though that is the case as well). She is unable to stay asleep. Even if she’s snoring, she wakes up the second my presence is no longer in the room, and starts screaming hysterically. This vicious cycle starts at about 11:30pm and continues until morning.

As you can imagine, our household hasn’t exactly been overdosed with sleep as of late so, um, I make no guarantees about the coherence of this and/or future posts.

Just sayin’.

As I mentioned a couple days ago, this month marks 2 years that I’ve been blogging. It’s interesting to look back and see how much has changed during that time.

For instance, This Post was written 2 years ago today. At that point, I was pregnant with Little Button but didn’t know it yet.

People I talk to on the phone are still stupid, though I must say I think our distributors have gotten a little better. As long as they’re not discussing websites.

That 12 pounds that I was inching away at? Two years and a baby later, it has become 15 pounds. Bummer. I’ve informed J that we cannot have another child until we have enough money in savings for me to get abdominal liposuction after the delivery. I am so not kidding about that.

My food allergy is still a mystery. It got me again Thursday night at JaI’s house. Spaghetti with non-cheese marinara and a soft drink - a meal that is practically a staple in my diet - and yet 10 minutes later I ended up in the bathroom emptying the contents of my body.

As much fun as having an “episode” at somebody else’s house is, it’s even better when there’s a stranger there (the Verizon guy was hooking up Fios in the room next to the bathroom).

And even better when you have to ask your hosts for a plunger. Do I know how to have a good time or what??? Just take my word on that one.

Whoopee.

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I have reached a new milestone in parenting.  Tonight, I was severely thrown up on.  Twice.

There is no more hot water available after the multiple baths and showers required for all parties involved, and the washing machine is rather full. I have no desire to go into any further detail on the subject, so this will be a short entry.

I will say, however, that I am baffled as to how THAT MUCH smelly goo can come out of someone that little.  Especially someone that little who refused to eat any dinner.

Mech.