“Lovely, well priced. Showroom home in great condition. Window treatments, ceramic tile and three full baths.”

The above is the realtor’s description of the home we are trying to buy. All in all (and considering there are no pictures of the home online) it’s not very descriptive. The selling points are basically “nice looking, well priced, window treatments, ceramic tile and 3 baths.”

Did you notice that 1 out of the 5 selling points is the window treatments? And they are quite nice, probably way-expensive designer curtains & drapes. We took that into consideration when we made the offer.

The seller wants to take the window treatments with her. She countered our perfectly (more than) reasonable offer to say that she is renegging 20% of the original offered setup. And she wants to close ONE DAY EARLIER. And she thinks we should pay $75 instead of $50 for the HOA transfer fee.

Crimminee. Why are sellers so weird??? Who changes a contract for $25? It was a struggle to keep J from countering with a HOA fee of $62.50 just to spite her. I thought we should have demanded the washer, dryer and refrigerator as replacement for the upstairs curtains. But I was overruled and informed that people just don’t do that in Texas. I barely got away with asking for the refrigerator. And it was so tempting to add in “AND 3 BOTTLES OF KETCHUP AND A CASE OF PEPSI. DIET PEPSI.”

I could have used that washer and dryer. If she dares to counter again, I’m getting the washer and dryer or she can take her pretty house and STUFF IT.

My dog sheds twice a year. By “sheds,” I mean that his fur makes a mass exodus from his body in chunks the size of hampsters and he begins to resemble a cancer victim, or a cat that has recently lost a fight.

I have a habit of reaching over to him and just pulling the already detached chunks of fur out, despite the fact that for some reason it really annoys J.

The way I see it, I would rather have a poof of fur in my hand to throw away than to find it strewn around the bed, couch, and carpet. A poof in hand is worth several distributed around the house. And it’s not like it hurts the dog.

What always cracks me up is my dog’s response, that when I pull a dangling tuft of fur from his hind quarters, HE WANTS IT BACK. You would think that we were on the playground in fourth grade and I had just stolen his lunch. He whirls around and does everything he can to TAKE BACK that poof.

I don’t know what he thinks he’s going to do with a mouthful of fur. Sometimes I’m tempted to give it to him to see if he tries to stick it back in. But then I think of what he looks like when he’s hacking up hairballs.

That’s when the fruitless arguments ensue.

“If you’re so concerned about keeping it, then stop leaving it all over my house.”

I can tell as I say it that I’m sinking into the pit of pointless communication. Not because my dog doesn’t understand English - HE DOES - but because his standard response is that the house and everything in it are in fact HIS (did we not notice that he has marked the ENTIRE backyard???) and he may distribute pieces of himself anywhere he darn well pleases.

He has such and attitude sometimes. At first the talking back was kind of cute because we’ve never actually seen a dog do this before. To see it is very reminiscent of watching a teenager roll his eyes and silently mimic his parents’ gripes behind their backs. Except that Hastings does it to our faces. He knows better to bark back, but boy can he mimic. And like most cute things, it gets old after a while.

It’s scenarios like this that make me a wee bit anxious about parenting. If our dog thinks we’re retarded, what will our kids think?

Call me to say you spoke with the listing agent today and the contract previously pending on the house we wanted to buy fell through, and that we now have the option to step in and negotiate a contract on our perfect dream house.

YIPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Put an offer on our perfect dream house the day we find it. GRRRRRR.

Yesterday, I almost wrote an elloquent description of this fabulous house we found on Sunday. It was, without a doubt, the best house for us that we had seen in our search of over 20 houses and we were going to buy it. It was exactly what we were looking for in every respect.

Our real estate agent called yesterday to start negotiations and BAM. Somebody beat us to it. Then we discovered that somebody has also beat us to our second choice home.

Back to square one. Sigh.

Hire a person to answer and take phone orders who doesn’t understand English.