“You missed it - she said “hi” while you were gone.”

“No she didn’t.”

“Yes, yes she did! It sounded like this…’Haaaii!’”

“She’s been making that sound since she was 3 weeks old.”

“No, it was a WORD this time, I swear! I asked her if she could say it and she DID!”

“Babies don’t talk at 3 months.”

“She did. I heard her. She’s a genious.”

“You’re delusional.”

“You’ll see. Her next word is going to be ‘MAMA.’”

This is the face my boss saw when he walked into my office the other day while I had my shirt pulled up to my neck and was in the middle of using my breast pump. It went something like this…

Him: (knocking on door)

Me: DON’T COME IN!

Him: (opening the door)

Me: (hiding behind computer monitor)

Him: Did you get an email from so-and-so?

Me: What the…??? If I say no, will you GO AWAY???

I’m still not sure if he even noticed. I was very grateful for a well-placed computer monitor. Perhaps I should start hanging a sign outside my door.

We still don’t have a nanny for Button, which means that as of February 20th, we’ll be in a bit of a pickle. Ideally, J’s home-based business that he is trying to put together will take off just in time to generate enough income that he can work from home and be there with her. But we’re not exactly counting on it.

I was wondering when this would start. It’s inevitable, I think. I’m reading my weekly “Your Baby” email and see:

“Your baby may be strong enough now to do mini-pushups, lifting her head and chest off the ground for a better view. To encourage her, try placing her on her stomach on a play mat for short periods of time every day. You’ll be surprised at how quickly she learns to raise her upper body to see what’s going on around her.”

…and my first thought is oh no, Button has no interest or ability at ALL to do mini-push ups! My child is developmentally behind!

It’s true. We try to put her on her stomach for “tummy time.” It just pisses her off. She can’t push up and doesn’t see the need to. She cries and looks at us like, “You idiots, did I look like I WANTED to do a face plant in the carpet??? Now stand me up so I can tell the baby in the mirror all about it.”

She loves to practice standing, so my only solace is to hope that she’ll just skip crawling all together and go straight to walking. My child isn’t developmentally deficient, she’s a GENIUS. So there.

Truth be told, I don’t really care about gay marriage. I’m sure that’s liable to get me slammed from both sides. I have defied my Christian roots by “condoning” something “sinful,” while at the same time I’m selfish and judgemental for “not caring enough” about the happiness and rights of my fellow humans.

Whatever.

Frankly, the idea of homosexuality grosses me out. And I think it’s a perversion of something that God intended, which makes it “wrong.” But at the same time, I don’t think it’s “wrong” in the same sense as murder, stealing, lying etc. because from what I can tell it doesn’t negatively affect OTHERS in the same way. Which I think is where the line is drawn between what is morally wrong by religious standards, and morally wrong by societal and legal standards (and therefore should be restricted by law).

Regarding the protection of the “sanctity of marriage” in this country - I think that went out a long time ago. Marriage in America is just a legal status, little more. Getting married doesn’t make you committed and doesn’t automatically instill the Christian values and meaning behind the ceremony into the relationship. The divorce rates will confirm that.

Now if two homosexual people want to get married in a church and want the sanctity of marriage to include the Christian (or Jewish or Islamic) values, commitment and purpose it was originally intended to, then that might be another issue. No minister, rabbi, or preacher should be pressured to marry (and thereby condone the union of) a homosexual couple when their religion forbids it.

But I’m doubtful that a large group of homosexuals fall into that category. The fact is, that Christians/Jews/Muslims didn’t invent marriage. It’s not an exclusively religious custom. These religions have influenced it, and imposed its own symbolism and meaning into the relationship - and there’s nothing wrong with that. But we don’t have a claim on it and shouldn’t necessarily get to make the rules outside the church.

A Christian marriage should carry all the values, importance and significance that has been bestowed upon the custom. But a non-religious marriage between two people outside the church…that’s a legal thing and I don’t see the grounds on which it should be subject to the restrictions of the church.

When J and I got married, it was within the bounds of the Christian understanding of marriage. The legal part wasn’t important - it was the meaning behind the ceremony, the commitment, the lifelong union that mattered to us. And we have since had a very successful marriage that we intend to see through to the end.

But if the legal aspect matters so much to homosexuals, then I don’t really care one way or the other if they have it.

Besides, if a woman can marry a dolphin, then what do I care if she goes to a judge and marries another woman.

“I’m tempted to wear a sleeveless shirt today because it’s been so HOT in our office recently. But I know as soon as I do, they’ll fix the heat and I’ll freeze to death.”

“Kind of like a june bug when it falls in the pool?”

“I’M GOING TO HURT YOU.”