I nearly lost my mind today. As mentioned previously, I have quite honestly never come so close to going postal on a customer service person. In fact, I believe the only thing that gave me enough motivation to hold it in was the security guy in the corner wearing the guns.

The whole thing started when my attorney called this morning. He was going to appear for me this morning at 9am and had discussed with the court the possibility that he would be delayed by another case, so to hold a 1:30pm opening as well, just in case he couldn’t make the first appointment. They had agreed.

When he showed up at 9am, he was told that the court time had been MOVED to 1:30pm, evidently some clerk error, because that was not what had been discussed. The judge would not see him at 9am because he no longer had a court appointment for that time.

So he filed the papers for a rescheduling because he would be unable to make the 1:30pm appointment time, as his schedule had been arranged such that he would be across town at that time. He called me and told me to show up for the 1:30 appointment, that he wouldn’t be there, but it would be unneccessary because the only thing happening was that the judge was “signing off” on the extension request. All I had to do was listen to the verdict and call him to let him know when the rescheduled time was.

So I show up at the court, take my seat, and the (clerk? I don’t know who he was) came out and called a bunch of names. Everyone around me went inside, but I’m not worried because I’m half an hour early. Then he asks me if I’m waiting for my lawyer.

“No, he said he didn’t need to be here.”

“He has to be here. The judge won’t speak to you without a lawyer.”

“But he told me just to show up, that it wasn’t required for him to be here for this.”

“He has to be here. Once you’re represented by a lawyer, the judge doesn’t speak to you without him present. Get on the phone and tell him to get his butt up here.”

So I call Steve.

“They’re telling me you have to be here.”

“No, they’re wrong. Just tell them that I was already there and filed for a Continuation. They’ll know.”

By this time the (clerk?) has gone back into the courtroom. I ask the security guy if he’s planning to come back out, that I need to tell him something. Security Guy directs me to the window.

Yes, the “take a number and wait 5 hours” window.

So I take my number and wait. When I get to the window, I explain the situation to the employee.

“Your lawyer has to be here.”

“But he filed paperwork this morning for a Continuation. He told me he didn’t need to be here for that, that I was just to come in and get the result.”

“Let me look up your account.”

She looks up my info and proceeds to tell me that my about something being filed yesterday and makes a comment about both my tickets. Both??? There should only be one ticket.

She then prints off a page stating that my court date has been set for September 19. I look at the top of the page.

“I don’t think this is right. It says it’s for a speeding ticket. I don’t have a speeding ticket. My ticket is for cutting a corner.”

“You don’t have a speeding ticket?”

“No. I had a speeding ticket a long time ago, but it’s been taken care of. It shouldn’t even show up on my record because I deferred it and that’s over.”

She goes away for a while getting clarification and comes back to tell me that she fixed it. But that I still have two outstanding tickets. What did she fix?

“What I’m trying to find out is on the OTHER ticket. My lawyer filed a Continuance. I’m trying to find out the results of THAT.”

“I don’t see anything on the other ticket. That court date was still set for today at 1pm. He has to be here for that.”

“But he told me he DIDN’T have to be here because he filed a Continuance.”

“No, he was here this morning. He stood at my window and I told him he had to be here today, that it was very important that he be here at 1PM.”

“So he has to be here for me to find out the result of the Continuance request?”

“Yes. I don’t show any records that it has been decided yet, so I can’t tell you.”

“But that’s what I’m here for. So that the judge can DECIDE. That’s what he’s supposed to do during my court time.”

“But he won’t see you without your lawyer.”

So I call my lawyer. Which means I have to get out of line because Window Lady won’t talk to me if I’m on my cell phone. Lawyer tells me that what they’re saying is wrong, that if they’re going to be idiots about it, I should just leave because I can’t do more than try. And that there will be a record that I did in fact show up, and that nobody would see me.

“Will I get in trouble for leaving without seeing the judge or anything?”

“No, you don’t have to see the judge. The worst that could happen is that they’ll issue a warrant for your arrest. But we can easily have that reversed.”

A warrant for my arrest? That makes me feel a LOT BETTER. Here I am just trying to get something resolved correctly, doing everything I’m told to do, and now I’m afraid that the cops are going show up at work and drag me away in handcuffs to the Police Station.

And we all know how I feel about the local Police force. The overstaffed police force (I can’t go to the mailbox without seeing a patrol car drive by) whose members jump at any and every opportunity to do a little fundraising (the other day I saw TWO cop cars pulling over one speeder), but for some reason take HALF AN HOUR to get on the scene when a truck driver hit-and-runs a motorcyclist (I should note that you can get anywhere in this little city in 10 minutes or less).

Just to be sure, I get back in line and ask Window Lady to mark notes on my account that I did in fact try to make my appearance but that nobody would see me without my lawyer. Since she’s handed me the piece of paper with a speeding ticket on it, I ask her to be sure that the Continuance was filed on the correct ticket. She tells me no, it was filed for “that” ticket, insinuating the piece of paper in my hand.

“So my lawyer came in this morning and talked to you and filed a Continuance on the WRONG TICKET?”

“I don’t enter it, the clerks enter the paperwork.”

“But you are telling me that the Continuance this morning was filed on THIS SPEEDING TICKET - and NOT on the Cutting the Corner ticket?”

“Yes.”

Step out of line, again. Call lawyer, again. He says he’ll check on it, that he was filling out the paperwork based on the information he got from the court, but that it could be changed. He will call the court and call me back.

He calls back and reads me the case number that he filed the Continuance on. It is NOT the case number of the speeding ticket - is the correct case number of the Corner ticket.

Back to the window. Before I can even open my mouth, she informs me that the paper I have in my hand on the speeding ticket is from the Prosecutor, that the case has been reopened because since I got a citation during my deferral, I failed to comply with the terms of my agreement.

“But I’m CHALLENGING the citation. It hasn’t been settled yet. I should never have been issued that ticket. It’s not my fault that I got a citation that I shouldn’t have been issued.”

“That’s not my decision.”

Whatever. My main concern right now is the stupid Corner ticket and the Continuance.

“The case number on the Continuance he filed this morning is the correct case number. The paperwork is right. Are you sure your system is showing that it was filed on the speeding ticket instead?”

“He filed that this morning.”

“Yeah…”

“It’s not in my system.”

“What?”

I’m thinking, Shit. They’ve completely lost the paperwork and don’t know about the Continuance request. Now what? I’m past my court appearance time because, even though I’ve gotten here early, I just spent the last hour trying to make some sense out of this woman.

“You mean there’s no record of it?”

“Of course not. He just filed that Continuance this morning. I won’t have any record of it in my system today. It won’t show up until after the judge determines something.”

(pause)

This is the part where I lose my mind.

“WTF??? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK I WAS ASKING YOU FOR THIS WHOLE TIME, DUMBASS??? YOU KNEW IT WAS FILED THIS MORNING FROM THE BEGINNING - YOU JUST TOLD ME HE FILED IT AT YOUR WINDOW!!! WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT AN HOUR AGO??? WHY THE HELL DID YOU TELL ME HE FILED IT ON THE OTHER CASE? AT WHAT POINT DID THE ALIENS ABDUCT YOU AND REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH A SEA CUCUMBER???”

Ok, I didn’t actually say all that. Remember the guy with the guns. But that’s what was going through my head as my hands started shaking and I began the breathing exercises.

(speaking very slowly)
“Ok. The deferral that was filed this morning…THAT’s what I’m here to find out about. The judge is supposed to make his decision on that during my court appointment time and all I’m supposed to do is listen to the verdict of whether or not he approved it.”

“Your lawyer has to be here for that.”

“Are you absolutely certain?”

“Yes.”

“So there’s absolutely nothing I can do by being here right now.”

“No.”

“Nothing at all.”

“No.”

“I can’t even find out about the verdict.”

“It’s not in my system yet. They’ll call your lawyer when it’s been decided. Then he can tell you.”

“THEN WHY AM I HERE?!?!?”

(blank stare)

I can feel the whole room turning to look at me. At this point I decide to take my lawyer’s advice and just leave. Slight sense of relief that the guy with guns didn’t follow me.

At the beginning of this day, my expectation was to have this entire matter resolved. Now that I was done, nothing was resolved. Nothing. In fact, the situation was worse than it was to begin with because now I have to mess with trying to get the DA off my back about the stupid speeding ticket too.

I returned to work and tried to explain to everybody what had just happened. I ended up doing a lot of yelling. I think they were entertained. Either that or trying to figure out how to safely get away from the crazy lady.

This is what telling the truth gets me. A ticket, lawyer fees, court fees, more court fees, much wasted time, and the complete and udder loss of my sanity.

Next time I am so going to lie.

Went to court today. Did exactly what my attorney told me to do.

Have never been so close to shouting expletives at a customer service person.

Will explain later, but I need to calm down first.

Well, we were right. Button started taking steps during the last few days of her 8th month, and by mid-9th month she was a walking pro. For a while we called her our Little Frankenstein because she walked with her arms sticking straight out in front, but she has since become quite adept at the skill and chooses it as her preferred method of mobility. And she loves mobility.

We had our house painted this month and our would-be dining room is now a rusty red. It looks great, especially since it actually matches Button’s Pack’n’Play now. I know that may seem a bit unneccessary, but the reason we call it a “would-be” dining room is that as of yet, the room remains unfurnished with anything but her 500 million toys.

Speaking of toys, we have decided that this is going to be a rather inexpensive Christmas for her, as she seems to have little interest in actual baby toys. She would much rather play with a comb, a post-it note or a pool ball any day than the above mentioned 500 kazillion toys. She’ll pick a half-empty water bottle over the latest fangle-dangle-sparkle-spangle baby toy any day of the week. Occasionally, she comes to work with me and my co-workers have been known to ask what I’ve done to her, since her favorite toys appear to be office supplies. My little future secretary in the making.

Monday we took Button with my parents to one of Dallas’ premier photographers. The photo shoot was the fulfillment of a gift certificate J and I gave my parents for Christmas, with the intention of getting a portrait made with them and Button. The shoot was a success and Button did very well. In fact, the photographer was so taken with her that she invited us back in two weeks so Button can model for a workshop she’s teaching.

While her new walking skills are exciting, she has managed to pick up a few nasty habits in the last month, including an almost total strike from solid foods, and the propensity to eat any and every particle she finds on the floor…even geckos. While she’ll jump at the chance to shove a bit of grass in her mouth, her new favorite delicacy is carpet. It’s becoming an obsession. I’m sure we could recarpet our house with the amount of fuzz bits we have pulled out of her mouth. We were beginning to wonder where all these magic strands were coming from (it’s not like we never vacuum, despite what my mother may tell you) but recently the mystery has been solved: THE CAT TREE.

Yesterday, I was awarded the Worst Mother in the History of the World Award by my daughter, after blocking her access to said shedding cat tree with some kitchen chairs. There ensued much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Ok, the gnashing might be an exaggeration, I think you have to have more than two teeth to properly “gnash.” But it was not a popular move.

Actually, our house is beginning to resemble a battered fort, barricaded at every entrance with random pieces of furniture, toys, boxes, and whatever else was around at the time. Since she’s walking now, Button has discovered a whole new realm of exploration, and we have chairs and gates scattered about to discourage her access to some of her favorite items: the fireplace, the speakers, dog food, a wobbly table, the water dish, cat tree, candlesticks, stairs, etc. So if you come over, don’t expect a place to sit. All our chairs are taken.

One of her favorite games now is playing a variation of Peek-A-Boo with the sheer curtains on our windows. There’s something about being able to see through fabric that really tickles her. It is the source of many laughs and consequent wrestling matches.

Basically, this month has been very full and our daughter has grown up more in these last few weeks than we could have thought possible. Sometimes we wish she would just SLOW DOWN ALREADY, but every thing she learns and discovers is so much more fun.

I’m grumpy today.

Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t like wiping snotty noses.
Or the fact that the shrieking pterydactyl has once again taken over my daughter’s body and I think my eardrums may burst at any moment.
Or the ulcer that is slowly but surely eating away the entire left side of my mouth.
Or that I have to go to court tomorrow to fight my traffic ticket.
Or that the papers my lawyer sent me informing me of the appearance time are suddenly missing from my desk. And from my house in general.
Or that when I called my lawyer to get the time, he told me he was on the other line changing my court date to Friday and would have to call me back.
Or that I have already arranged childcare for tomorrow and nobody conversed with ME about changing my date.
Or that my daughter has quite suddenly decided that she’s no longer interested in solid foods. And insists instead on eating the carpet. And the dog food. And grass.
Or that I have 4 itching mosquito bites on my arm from that stupid bug I saw floating around the kitchen the other day.

Or maybe it’s none of the above and I’m grumpy JUST BECAUSE, and that’s why I only seem to notice the bad/irritating things that are happening today.

UPDATE…I guess my lawyer was confusing me with somebody else, because when he called back about my court date, it’s still tomorrow.

Yesterday was Tuesday. Which means that every child who spent an hour in the Church nursery on Sunday came down with a cold, and Button was no exception. So we were up for long stretches last night holding her upright so she could breath and today we’re wiping snotty noses Again. And again. And again.

By “we” of course, I mean ME.

The nose is really the part of her colds that bugs me. There’s just something mildly disgusting about wiping and disposing of someone else’s green slimey snot, EVEN if it’s coming out of the world’s cutest little snotty nose.  Especially when she insists on rubbing said nose all over my shirt.
I could never work in an assisted care facility, and that’s a fact.