Tonight we went to a Christmas Party, with Button in tow.  I was under the impression that there were going to be a lot of kids there, but most of the other people - including the party hosts - had decided to get babysitters.

I actually enjoy bringing Button to parties because a) she’s pretty cute, so she gets a lot of attention and even guys and people who have kids of their own fawn over her, and b) it gives me something to do other than be a total failure at drumming up small talk and chit-chat.

I suck at small talk and chit chat, even when I’m hanging out with people I consider friends.  I’m always the dork hanging on the outer edge of the circle pretending to be involved in the conversation.  Then, invariably, people start leaving the circle one-by-one until it’s just me and somebody I don’t really know and I’m wracking my brain to find something to ask or say in order to thread together some semblance of social interaction so I’m like “So you’re a teacher, right?  What do you teach” and they’re all “Second grade.” and I’m all “Oh.  Really.” and they’re all “Yeah.” and I’m all “That’s cool.” and they’re all, “Yeah.” and I’m like “Please don’t walk away right now because then I’ll be the only one left and I’ll look like a total loser” and they’re like “Bye.”

That’s when they quit making eye contact and walk away or start a conversation with somebody else I don’t know that happens to be directly behind them, so they turn around and I’m standing there staring at somebody’s back.

Yeah.  There’s a dimension to parties that stresses me out, which is why it’s good to have the whole “mother” thing to fall back on.  See, then when they’re all “Yeah.” and I’m all “That’s cool.” then I can be all “DUDE, where’s my kid I’d better go find her and make sure she’s not eating carpet k thx bye” even though I know exactly where she is and that her carpet preferences are pretty much limited to the plush varieties so there’s little worry about ingestion in this case.

Successful social interaction is all about a way out.

This party went well past Button’s bedtime so she was fighting exhaustion and nearly passed out on my shoulder about 4 times.  Sleepiness makes her more shy in large crowds, so she clung to me most of the evening and broke into tears if I walked away.

When she finally got a little more comfortable, she started venturing out on her own.  I found her in the kitchen, backed up against the oven, wide eyed and waving to all the people standing around her.  It was half “this is really fascinating” and half “I think my life is in danger.”

Not one to be daunted by the unknown for long, she then ventured into the living room.  She stood there, spinning in circles and gazing up in amazement from her 2′ vantage point at all the giant people around her.  Then she saw me watching her and came running back.

Toward the end of our stay, she started getting a sugar high her second wind and was in a generally good mood - though if I picked her up, she would cling to my neck and try to go to sleep on my shoulder. When she started asking for her toothbrush (a before-bed ritual), we knew she was nearing the end of civilized public behavior, so we opted to head home.

It was a nice evening - just long enough.  I tend to have a pretty short attention span when it comes to parties.  Not that I’m ready to leave as soon as we get there, but after an hour or two, it’s just time to call it quits.  “Button needs to go to bed” sounds much better upon exit than “I’m tired of being around all these people.”  Trust me, that second one doesn’t go over too well.

I have ISD. I’ve had it since approximately 6 months before J and I got married.

I’ll do the math for you: for past 6 years, I’ve felt defective and he’s been in a constant state of sexual frustration.

We have a great relationship. We get along fabulously and couldn’t be better matched for each other in terms of personality, sense of humor, ideals, etc.

But my ISD has always kind of been the elephant in the room. He tries to be understanding, but he’s the one that’s “normal.” I try to be accommodating, but I can’t fake something I don’t feel.

I used to misdiagnose it as different things - paranoia about privacy, physical oversensitivity, stress. I remember the days when my drive was normal …now I would give my left arm for a day of feeling “hot and bothered.”

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my problem started when I started birth control. I’ve tried several different brands of BC in the hopes of finding different hormone levels that wouldn’t affect my sex drive… to no avail.  I even tried getting off the pill for a several-month stretch, but it didn’t really seem to help. And then I got pregnant. Which also didn’t help.

And now I think it’s getting worse. I used to be able to enjoy a good love scene in a movie. Now I find myself fighting the desire to roll my eyes. And I hate myself for it.

I read today that anemia can be a cause of reduced desire. I’d never heard that before. I’m anemic. Perhaps I should start taking those iron pills more diligently.

Well, after 70 days and 4 phone calls, I actually got my refund check from Design Benefits Incorporated / Design Savers Plan in the mail today.

I think I just saw a pig fly past my window.

So after finding out that the half.com item I had ordered (and received an email stating it had been shipped December 1) was never shipped and will not be shipped, I started to get concerned about some of the other items I had ordered and have not received.

So I checked the most expensive item I ordered, only to find that the seller’s account is no longer listed.  He has not responded to my email inquiry about the shipment of the product.

I guess I have discovered a major caveat of ordering all my Christmas goodies online.  Even sellers that have excellent feedback records can turn rogue.

I sent an email inquiry to another seller, and received and automated reply stating that they don’t have time to respond to inquiries, but here’s some FAQs so hopefully I could find my answer there.

My computer screen is getting a good look at my “grumpy face” right now.