AAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That is all.

More later.  Possibly much more.  Possibly just a little more.

Rules for showing a house*:

1. Leave the house spotless, with no miscellaneous items laying about.
2. Confine pets to a closet or crate, or better yet, have them be absent when the buyers show up. Hide pet food and other pet-related items that may normally be in plain view
3. Be out of the house when the buyers arrive

*I’ve truncated this list to the rules that actually apply to us, because things like “Don’t leave poop on the floor” are not really an issue around here

Well, I think I botched a showing yesterday. I learned that when I’m on my own, 30 minutes is NOT enough time to prepare this house for a showing, even if I’ve picked up and straightened the night before and the morning of.

Actually, I had asked for 45 minutes, but by the time Central Showing Agency called the buyers’ agent to confirm and then called me back, my time slot had dwindled to 30 minutes.

I dashed home from work and furiously flew through the house cleaning, straightening, putting things away (darn the laundry, my ever-present foe), vacuuming, emptying the trash and the litter box.

When they showed up, I was still here. Caught. They could see me through the second floor window trying to throw the vacuum into the closet. I was frantic, out of breath (Dude.  I REALLY need one of those Dyson light-weight vacuums), and I could not find the cat.

They were very nice about it all and told me I didn’t have to leave during the showing because they might have questions anyway. Their agent made a comment about how clean and nice the house was. But as I was cruising through the kitchen trying to keep out of the way, I noticed some areas that I hadn’t gotten to… crumbs and random cooking supplies on the counter tops and stove (WTH? I don’t even cook, and I’m having issues with cooking ingredients?), miscellaneous pieces of vegetables on the floor from LB’s dinner the night before, a sticky spot on the wood where LB had spilled some juice (apparently I’m using the wrong cleaner because the sticky won’t go away no matter how many times I clean it), the dog food still out…

How embarrassing.

The couple was a young pair and I suspect they had a little one on the way, with the interest they took in LB’s room (and particularly her little dresses hanging in the closet). They were very nice and seemed to like the house so there’s a part of me that’s hoping they’ll come back a second time so I can show them that I’m not a complete moron. But for the most part I think I may have to chalk it up to a learning experience.

Note to self: Next time, insist on having an hour at home before the buyers show up.

My husband is currently vacationing (I know. Without me. I know. You think so too? I totally agree. But he did buy me a trip to New York. And I’m not sure that bushwhacking in rural Alaska is my idea of a vacation anyway. Love your shoes, by the way. So anyway…) and LB is staying with the grandparents and the dog is being boarded, so the only one who stuck around tonight is the cat.

So tonight it’s just me and my pus$y.

What, you didn’t see that coming? Seriously? I know, I don’t usually go for jokes in such bad taste. But every once in a while I can’t help myself.

Just got back from the new Harry Potter movie and it was highly enjoyable. And now I should be cleaning the house just in case anybody wants to come see it tomorrow while I’m at work.

If there’s one thing I really resent, it’s cleaning. If there’s one thing I just can’t stand, it’s cleaning just in case. Cleaning is a lot of work and the thought that it might be totally in vain just irks me, especially when the time could better be spent sleeping. Or blogging, as the case may be.

This whole “clean the house every day” thing just … sucks. I told my real estate agent that once we sell the house, I’m not vacuuming again for a solid MONTH. Maybe longer. Vacuuming two floors every day is enough to drive me batty.

On the bright side, it helps me know EXACTLY where people are going in my house, because I can trace their footprints. After one showing, I was pretty sure I had a heard of elephants go through my house. There was not a square foot in the house that didn’t have footprints in it, and they even tried out all the furniture.

We had our first open house Sunday. The open house was from 3-5pm. At precisely 3:05pm, a torrential downpour started, and continued through the next hour. Surprisingly, we still had a grand total of 4 families come to the open house. Not bad, considering the weather, but kind of a waste of the 4 dozen cookies I baked.

Our house went on the market almost two weeks ago. Five showings, 50+ taken fliers, and one open house later, we still haven’t seen any offers. Everyone that gives feedback on it says the colors are great and it shows great, and they really like it… so where are the offers?

I’m not very good at waiting games. Not very good at all.

I am very good, however, at procrastinating.

Great.  My daughter cries when I sing opera.

Perhaps it’s a good thing I never put that theatre major to use.

Sensing my frustration earlier today, J surprised me with a plane ticket to New York City to go visit Joi in a few weeks.

Do I have the best husband or what?